So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
