All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
I'm going to jail i love you
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
