I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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