Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
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I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
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Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
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