Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
