Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
