god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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