when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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