I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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