dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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