He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
