I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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