nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
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