dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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