She went from zero to smokin in five shots
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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