Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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