Kiss
Puke
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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