where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
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