I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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