Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
