im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
How naked do you want me to be?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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