Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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