he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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