I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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