Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Randomize
