Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
