Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize