I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So vagazzling was a success
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Randomize
