a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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