How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
