Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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