I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
