So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
