You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I need to stop coming to work sober
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
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