I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
Randomize
