Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
