I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
