Is it because I queefed?
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
