This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
