I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
