i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Randomize
