Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
