where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
shots, cocks, socks. bingo
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
