woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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