VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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