I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
