They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
How does it feel to date your dad?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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