the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
