They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
