Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
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