have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
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