wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
