I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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