I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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