finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
