May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
