You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
