hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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