Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
