Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
This house was built for laser tag.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Randomize
