its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You may now shotgun with the bride
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
You did what with his pubic hair?
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