so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Randomize
