Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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