she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
