Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
