Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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