Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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