Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize