I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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