Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
