Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
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